Adventures of the Unemployed - I

In which I begin to better understand the shadow world of temporary agencies who are still at least 20 years behind the times.

I decided to register for temporary work until my new company launches. I haven't worked at a temporary agency in nearly 20 years. Resume in hand, I drove to employment agency 1 to apply. If you haven't been in a temp agency in awhile, they're not nearly as luxurious as your doctor's waiting office. And they probably have no fewer germs. The office had a sign on the door warning people not to bring in children at all. A second sign hung just below that says that if bringing in children not to leave them unattended. There's also a third sign prohibiting cell phones, loud talking, smoking and handguns. It's unclear whether they mean the children that aren't supposed to be there...or everyone who enters.

When I ask to apply, I'm told I have to come back. It's 10 minutes till noon and the entire office shuts down from noon to one for lunch. Of course I'll return. Why end the fun so soon?

I run some errands and return a couple of hours later.

Inside the temp agency, I'm given reams of paperwork to fill out, including drug test, background check and credit check authorizations. For temporary work. For about $7-8 dollar an hour. Wow.

I fill out the forms and am granted a "professional interview." My interviewer says she's glad to meet me, but barely makes eye contact. We go through the employers I've had over the past 10 years and she asks me about a 2 month gap that I've had in employment over the past two years. When I express unbelief that anyone seeking temporary help should be concerned about a two month gap in 10 years time, she does meet my eyes. I tell her I was taking classes and she asks me if I am planning to return to school. She also asks whether I will get good references when they call. Other important questions we get out of the way - how many times in the past five years have I been sick (none) or late to work (none). Glad they're setting the bar high.

She tells me that she isn't going to ask me about education attained, because it doesn't matter to the temporary employers. But then she asks...do I really have a MBA? (Yes.) And exactly what is that? (Sigh.)

And then she asks me the best, most thoughtful question yet: in which of my jobs have I learned the most about clerical work? I am speechless. I don't know how to answer and tell her so. What does that possibly mean when ALL the jobs I've worked in the past 10 years have been office jobs. She asks do I just want her to put all of them. Yes. Yes, I do. So she does.

I then go to the "Prove It" testing system to demonstrate that yes, I really am capable of computerized data entry and typing. Oh, and that I know Word, Excel and QuickBooks. I've used QuickBooks once in 20 years, but score a 90% on the test. I'm not sure what this says about me, them or the "opportunities" that await in temp work.

Three hours later, I leave. Will I get a call with work? I'll keep you posted.